The Dark Side of Over Giving
Last issue I wrote about the perils of over giving in your business and how to make a mind shift to taking yourself and your business seriously and getting paid good money for the value you deliver.
Today I want to talk about the shadow side of always over giving. This is a subject that I've looked at increasingly for years now as it became apparent to me that I am - gasp! - co-dependent.
For me what Co-Dependency looks like is putting the needs of other people before discovering what my own needs are and doing what I can to meet them. It means that I haven't defined my own self and my dreams very well. It means feeling obligated to take care of others whether they asked for that care or not.
Recently this pattern came to light when I felt resentful towards my younger brother for not taking more of a part in attending to my mother as she ages. I thought, "Look at everything I've done for him all his life! Why can't he help me more with Mamma?!?"
The answer to that question is that he hasn't asked me to take care of him, probably doesn't even know that I think I have, and is living his life as he chooses and attending to Mamma as he wants to. (He's not with her on a daily basis, but calls her often and sees her several times throughout the year.)
Wow! That was revealing! I had been putting all this thought and effort into his well-being when he is totally capable of making his own decisions and caring for himself. In fact, he's very happy with his life, work, and relationships. And that's his own doing. We are close and speak often. He is supportive of me and very caring. It just doesn't look like what I thought I was going to get by "taking care of him".
So in the midst of my being mad about my brother’s apparent lack of support of me and my mother, I saw it was time to give up being the Great Care Taker and give that job back to the Universe.
I realized that it takes courage and faith to think I don't have to do this all by myself, that I can actually trust a Greater Power to orchestrate situations and events in loving and beautiful ways. So my new job is to focus on courage, faith, and love and let the Universe work miracles.
Seeing beyond my need to control what happens in life to the truth that I'm not in charge leaves me with the possibility that I am in co-creation with Divine Source. I can step up to that job with more joy and curiosity about what will unfold next. I'm definitely getting better at this, but do sometimes try to grab back the reins and drive on my own. But I'm not committed to being on the dark side of over giving. It's just too exhausting and dishonoring of what Life has to offer.
So my question to you, dear Reader, is what would you have to give up if you resigned as Chairwoman of the Universe, let Creative Force do its job of working everything out, and upped your ability to love and trust yourself, your life, and your business?